A Mother's Love...

I entered this wonderful world of Motherhood on March 5, 2000, with the birth of Zachary; and 23 months later on February 5, 2002, with the birth of Nicholas. It is true what they say, nothing can prepare you for the love you feel. Without hesitation, I would give my life to protect my children. A mother's love is awesome.

This journey of motherhood is much more complicated than I imagined. I never would have pictured this path that God has made for us, yet here we are. Minutes after Nicholas was born we discovered a birth defect that we would later learn is called Microtia. He also has an extremely narrow ear canal on the right side, and therefore failed his hearing test at birth. I was devastated. I remember thinking "my son will never hear me say the words 'I love you' to him. Thankfully, after seeing a Pediatric ENT Nicholas was fitted with a Bone Conduction Hearing Aid (it is the band around his head you see at the top of the page). Aided, he hears at 10dB, which is fantastic! Between the ages of 5-6 he will have plastic surgery for his left ear, and canalplasty to widen his right ear canal.

In January, we took Nicholas to be evaluated by a Craniofacial team. I had suspected that he has hemifacial microsomia, which they confirmed. At some point, he may need jaw distraction surgery. We also saw a SLP while there, and she agreed with Nicholas' regular SLP, that he does have Apraxia. While I was expecting the diagnosis, it was still hard to hear. There is no easy fix for Apraxia, it takes years of hard work.

We fought for insurance to approve speech visits twice a week, and the school district sends a teacher once a week. They are both wonderful people and I'd be lost without them. In the fall, Nicholas will attend a preschool for hearing impaired and speech delayed children. We have visited this room twice, and I was amazed both times. Nicholas will do so well here, I truly believe that this is the perfect place for him right now.

It has been three months since the "official" diagnosis, and while I've accepted that Nicholas has special needs, it doesn't make me like it any better. It sucks. I just want my baby to be able to talk. It feels like once we clear one hurdle, another pops up. I was always afraid to jump hurdles. Those jumpers make it look so effortless, like their bodies know what to do. I knew that if I tried, I'd fall flat on my face. But if I don't jump over this latest hurdle, Nicholas will be the one to fall, and I won't let that happen to my baby.